Do you have a seer gift? Also known as intuition or a prophetic aptitude, it is the ability to see, hear, or sense beyond normal. People who have this gift can see into the spiritual realm in various ways. Hearing God’s voice and interpreting dreams and visions are only a couple of means of prophetic ‘knowing’. People may possess these abilities, but no one starts out fully mature in handling what they see or sense.
Everything written in the coming paragraphs is sarcasm. I’ve been on the receiving end of all of these practices. I’m not hurt, angry, or addressing any particular person. So don’t email me to ask what is afoot. I’ve been guilty myself of committing many of these no-no’s. (Sarcasm begins here):
If you deeply desire to build friendships, to use your revelatory gift to glorify God, to gain favor for yourself in leadership or ministry, make your best effort to regularly incorporate the following crucial tactics:
1. Point out people’s flaws and mistakes. God sees everybody’s faults and wants to use YOU to bring conviction and shame. Show them how they are wrong, and give plenty of advice so they know how to repent and do things right. Point your finger boldly in their face for added emphasis.
2. Add a holy air (err). Expose and correct people regarding what they say or how they act—and then go gossip about them with other people for “prayer purposes.” Hold other people to higher standards than you set for yourself.
3. Tell everything immediately. Don’t waste precious time interpreting or waiting for further revelation. It is especially helpful if you speak up without consideration for timing or relevance. Go ahead and tell people you see ‘orange flowers’ all around them…they should be able to know what that means—and they should feel extremely blessed by your encouraging words.
4. Blame God. Leave out kindness and love when you point out people’s faults. You can even act angry so they think God is angry with them, too. Claim to speak on God’s behalf—and don’t worry if you get it wrong once in a while. If you are wrong, then it was only God’s will, or maybe he changed his mind. It is especially powerful if you add the words, “God is telling you . . . to send me money . . . "(or whatever). If God is speaking, then the person you are ministering to must receive every word you say, or else they are clearly unspiritual and in the wrong.
5. Use as many words as possible. Speak in metaphors and in vague, flowery, religious language so people will assume you are in mysterious, mystical deep state of communication with God. It is good to take people hostage to your ‘blah blah blah’s’…. their lives will be richer for having listened to your wisdom.
6. Interpret your dreams literally and share them quickly. It will make your friend’s day to hear that he will die in a car wreck, that his kids are drowning, and that his spouse is pregnant.
7. Tease them. Tell people, “God is telling me stuff about you . . . but I am not free to share it right now.” Your friends will feel blessed and commit to patiently waiting for your next installment of intelligence.
8. Remind people of your abilities. Call yourself a seer, a prophet, a specialist, a super-spiritual, magnificent master. Sing your own praises about the times you ‘nailed' someone--and watch the amazement freeze on folks' faces.
I’ve only mentioned a few vital highlights. You can contact me if you are interested in learning more. I will gladly assist you, because, I am, of course, an expert in my field.
prophetic ministries
It's been said that God does nothing in the affairs of men except they pray. Prayer is the catalyst for worldwide transformation. Prayer incites the angels, restrains darkness, and releases nations into their destiny. -Bethel Pastor
I am convicted.
I see my error in almost all those points. This is so timely for me. I am still learning and growing...Thank you so much!
Still learning
We are all still learning....bless you! Thank you for your honesty :)
Love it!
Too funny Merry! You're such a gifted writer. I too have been guilty/missed the boat, namely on #3. Now I'm afraid I wait too long and miss opportunities, I still have a lot to learn and need to learn balance... I love reading your blog, just don't always get to post a comment. Keep writing Merry! Love you!
Still learning
Comments are so nice--Thank you for your encouragement! We are all learning....it is a lifelong process, isn't it? Keep up the good work. Blessings!
HA!! I think you had too much fun writing this one!
Yeah, I can't decide which of the 8 is the worst or most common. There's also the blessed delivery of an encouraging word thru the heavy, sweaty hand on someone's hairdo. Or the puncturing finger probes to the forehead while dispensing God's blessing.
Ah, the world will be a better place as we mobilize more people to employ these tactics. The recipients might not appreciate the blessing, but it's more important that the spiritual authorities feel good about their methods and being in control, than that some discouraged soul feel the love and encouragement of God.
Ha ha.
Great humor - very Dave Barry-esce.